Today, for the first time in recent memory, my intentional actions made someone cry. In front of me. A lot.*
I don't really do tears. I would really rather deal with anything else (except for loose teeth) than someone else crying.
And it's bad enough when they're crying over boys or loss or something involving Colin Firth...
But when it's something I have done, something I had all the power to prevent, to control, to avoid - that's when it makes me feel completely wretched.
Or at least that's what I discovered today. I discovered that my legs shake when I make other people cry with my words and my actions. I find myself suddenly very interested in how my pants stretch over my knee caps.
And I wonder about other people who do this on a regular basis. People who will knowingly say and do things and then watch people cry. And I wonder how they get through it.
Do they eat as much chocolate as I did today? Do they get use to the hole-in-the-belly feeling?
I wish it was all over. That this was the first and last time. It's not. I'll come back this to this topic in another blog post when I have some non-chocolate solutions.
*to be clear, while my words and actions were not intended to be malicious in anyway, they could be construed as hurtful. Occasionally, that is the nature of such things.
I have a staff person who cries a lot and mostly because of things I do... It has turned me into a hollow person.
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