Friday, March 31, 2006

My heart is in my shoes.

It's time for the Friday Fabulous Five! things that have made this week totally kickin.

1- My new job There is nothing like seeing your name in print. Even when that print is on a screen. And as Cougar said last night, "bloggers are the writers of the future." Which is funny because bloggers are actually the writers of the present and my Mom is just a little slow when it comes to technology. Also, my mother now has access to this blog (as does my dad and various other members of my extended family) so - Hey Guys! That thing I wrote?! before?! A joke. So...just forget it.

2- FLIP FLOP SEASON!!! When I was in high school I wore flip flops pretty much year around, because I drove everywhere. Now that I walk everywhere I can only wear the 'flops (as Teeny so elegantly puts it) once it hits 60 degrees. Then once it hits 70 I can start wearing skirts. These rules are increadibly arbitrary, especially because just because the high is 60 doesn't mean that at 10 pm when I'm walking home it won't be closer to 40 as it was a few weeks ago when we had the Statan Island adventure. But the past few days have been perfect flip flop weather which means Summer is coming...and with summer comes all sorts of other fun things like graduation, Nantucket, and the need to lose 8 lbs before I even look at a bathing suit (...oh wait...), which brings us to:

3- The abundance of free food at the offices I've temped in this week. Since I do day-to-day temping I've worked in a lot of different places and they've started to rank themselves in my head. The major critera for ranking offices is how much free food I can eat there/walk away with. Both offices this week have been amazing with the free soda (fountain diet coke! in an office! brilliant...), and baked goods and chocolate and sandwiches and fruit. Oh man. The one way to make a happy temp is to feed her.

4- My graduation pictures which aren't so much fabulous as hilariously tragic. I haven't sat for a photographer since the summer before my senior year of high school. I forgot how, to the hating-his-life photographer, you aren't so much a person as one of those wooden dolls that painters use to understand the human shape. All that "turn left" "chin up" "tilt your head" "no tilt it the other way" "too much" "now put your chin down" "do a crazy dance" "make love not war" "NOW SMILE" at which point it isn't so much a smile as a grimace with tears streaming down your face because you had to go ahead and dislocate your shoulder to get the pose this guy was invisioning. I'm gonna garantee that the best pictures are gonna be the ones where I'm in the gown (which, ew...that village bicycle gown must be so gross) where I'm holding the diploma and the morter board and my elbows are at a 90 degree angle from my body and I look like some one just gave me a swift kick in the rear.

5- The 105% I got on my Cultural Anthroplogy midterm, solidifying the fact that the way to have a kickin' senior year is to take a whole bunch of 101 classes. It's actually an interesting class and I'm pleasently suprised, especially because I mainly took the class because I was hoping I would have a professor like Jerimiah Laskey on Saved By the Bell: The College Years. And even though I don't, it's stil a cool class.

Happy Weekend.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I'm gonna die.

So as I've discussed before. I am, on occasion, a raging hypochondriac. This is probably due to the fact that I've spent most of my life not getting sick. I get the occasional flu and I did have a fun week or two of chicken pox, but for the most part I was an increadibly healthy kid juxstaposed to my brother who was a regular at various ERs in the DC and outlying suburban areas due to raging asthma and allergy problems.

The fact that he got all the attention what with his habit of stopping breathing and everything as a child, paired with my obsession with medical dramas staring attractive emotionally broken doctors, I developed the habit of thinking that most things that seem to be wrong with me are probably life threatening. However, since I don't like doctors or copays I normally just suffer in silence, lying awake at night knowing that the leg cramp is obviously necretitis and my significant other is at some point or another going to put me in a coma then rip out half my thigh muscle.

Since I am not normally sick, I don't go to the doctor and I very rarely use prescription drugs. Enter my brand new prescription. I don't have a serious problem (its definatly not life threatening) however this medication has some crazy-serious side effects. My doctor has spent about 4 hours over the past month lecturing me about the fact that there is a very real possibility that if I do something wrong when on these meds I could very well die. Immediatly. Without warning.


So I started this morning. They said to take it with a meal which, I don't actually eat meals so-- already doing great. I swallowed the pill with a large glass of water and some oatmeal and waited. Then wondered what I was waiting for. Obviously, nothing was going to happen. I wasn't going to start hallucinating or anything (unfortunatly). After feeling slightly retarded for a few minutes I started waiting for all of the wonderful side effects of this drug.

Bad idea.

On the platform waiting for the subway, I was positive I was going to die due to my stomache and mild sweating. This is after one.dose. I had a stomache for most of the morning and in a wild panic I bought myself lunch (something I never do- I eat fruit and chex mix for lunch) and the stomache returned. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die while crossing Broadway infront of the Cosi.

Right now I'm nursing myself back to health with M&M's and Sprite. I feel okay. Although I have a strange feeling that a great deal of this blog will now be dedicated to my medical concerns.


Sunday, March 26, 2006

101 in 1001

Many a Genius Blogger before me has done this. So I'm just following (with some following behind me). I started this on June 10, 2005. I have 1001 days to finish these 101 things. Check my progress every now and then! I'll be done around March 18, 2008

1. Finish reading Long Walk to Freedom June 27, 2006
2. Join a union (not super picky at this point which one)
3. Have a healthy romantic relationship that lasts a substantial amount of time (at least a month)
4. Have photographs published July 17, 2005 I should have been more specific regarding whether they were pictures of me or pictures I took, but we're on a deadline here.
5. Get a mac December 25, 2006. Thanks Mom!
6. Live in an apartment for more than 12 months September 2005. 46 Underhill. Good times.
7. Go to Vegas
8. Go to at least 2 more foreign countries (repeats don’t count) Half finished, February 2007
9. Graduate from college June 1, 2006
10. See a dermatologist Feb 27, 2006 Best choice I ever made.
11. Go to a Yankee game
12. Go to at least three concerts
13. Sing kareoke in a bar November 11, 2006
14. Get my second tattoo
15. Finish reading all of Margaret Atwood’s books. She needs to stop writing books if this is ever gonna get done!
16. Dance on a bar October 1, 2006. Thanks Rose and Crown for that delightful send off!
17. Start paying my school loans
18. Go to LA
19. Go to Chicago April 21, 2006
20. Learn to cook at least one decent grown up meal I make a mean Chicken Parm, with penne and wild greens.
21. Host a dinner party
22. Stand up to a guy and tell him how it is (I did this once, but I think I need practice)
23. Do another show at the Maryland Ensemble Theatre
24. Find a new agent
25. Buy a black blazer
26. Get new head shots March 26, 2007
27. Go see a taping of "The Daily Show"
28. Get another piercing
29. Learn to hem my own pants
30. See myself in a feature film (not necessarily on a big screen because just because I’m in it doesn’t mean I’ll drop $10 to see it)
31. Get the zipper on my green bag fixed
32. Fill my ipod October 28, 2006
33. Buy a real bed January 13, 2007
34. Go to a WNBA game
35. Do more community service work
36. Help Cougar throw that yard sale we’ve been talking about for years. May 20, 2006
37. Go white water rafting again
38. Lose 15 pounds (and keep it off)
39. Learn to make a classy cocktail
40. Have that photo-picnic in the park I’ve been wanting for years
41. Stand on a Broadway stage
42. Clean out my mom’s attic
43. Buy a bookshelf
44. Organize all my photographs
45. Visit Nantucket and hang out with people my own age who aren’t related to me Summer 2006.
46. Get digital Webshots pictures printed
47. See myself on TV again (and try not to look like a dimwit with poor posture)
48. Re-master my right split, attempt to master my left split
49. Take another trapeze class November 2006. I *heart* circus class.
50. Drive across the country
51. Go to South Africa again
52. Do at least one dance audition with confidence
53. Get an internship at a theatre company
54. Live somewhere other than New York or Maryland/D.C. Nantucket, 2006.
55. Go to the Village Halloween parade This is half done. I walked through it and realized that wow! Crazy Pants! and walked out again.
56. Use that gift certificate for free dinner for 4 for that Italian restaurant in Bethesda
57. Get highlights
58. Get a hair cut I can manage and don’t hate.
59. Get a bikini wax
60. See way, way, way more theatre including "Ave. Q", and "Lion King"
61. Find a really great hat that looks great on me that I can rock any time
62. Send away something I’ve written
63. Learn to play poker
64. Either get a new remote or a new TV and figure out how to hook up my dvd player and my cable box
65. Wear my gorgeous green dress a whole bunch of times Maggie's wedding, New Years, Granny's 75th Bday, Dad's 50th bday. Mom's 50th bday Love it!
66. Tone my arm muscles
67. Watch all of Roman Holiday without falling asleep
68. Whiten my teeth
69. Go to Prospect Park while I still live in Brooklyn
70. Learn what all the abbreviations in baseball mean
71. Become a decent New York City tour guide
72. Go to the dive bar down the street from my apartment, Soda March 24, 2006
73. Start playing soccer again (even if it’s only pick-up games) April 1, 2007
74. Do something wonderful for my parents (both of them. But separately)
75. Get rid of all the gift cards that are hanging out in my wallet (by spending them) Febuary 2007
76. Have at least one non-miserable Valentine’s Day Febuary 14, 2007
77. Wear that kinda crazy beaded shirt with the fairy on it out at least once
78. Donate Blood
79. Join a gym
80. Take swing/ballroom dance classes
81. Bet on the ponies
82. Have an incredibly fabulous 21st birthday thanks to all of my friends. It was a month long celebration of Awesomeness.
83. Have someone teach me the finer points of football Football season 2006-2007
84. Go to Gillette Castle, we went when I was little but I don’t have a visual memory of it.
85. Buy a beautiful and expensive piece of jewelry that I am in love with
86. Climb the Washington Monument, the Statue of Liberty and the Sears tower (read: get over my fear of heights)
87. Live in a bedroom that I have painted
88. Be scandalous in a bar
89. Continue to be scandalous on New Year’s Eve
90. Get a subscription to a grown-up magazine (read: not Cosmo) October 2006, Dad got me a subscription to the New Yorker
91. Get back in touch with my pen-pal Jessie
92. Make enough money to survive doing only what I love (read: not temping/waitressing/working retail at least for like a month or so)
93. See every Oscar Best Movie nominee in a year (before the awards show)
94. Flit off to some place tropical for a weekend November 16, 2005
95. Take enough dance classes to warrant buying new shoes
96. Buy a stereo (or just any kind of cd player that isn’t also my laptop or my dvd player)
97. Find a print of the Dali painting I saw at the Elsa Schiaparelli exhibit December 25, 2006
98. Have more male friends who aren’t gay
99. Take an improv class or join an improv group UCB-style. And Cornbread. Ahhh-may-zing.
100. Buy one pair of really awesome jeans that look amazing, are the right length and I can breathe in (the last one isn’t a deal breaker)
101. Get my pink shoes fixed

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Bald Women are the Coolest!

Meet Sars. She runs Television Without Pity. She is hilarious and wears cool shoes. She is really great at pretending like she recognizes you at a party even though you know she totally doesn't.

Sars is good peoples. Every year she does this contest where people donate money to awesome projects and then win free shit. It's the tops!

This year she has sworn she is going to shave her head if people donate enough money. I only know Sars on a stalker-stalkee basis. But I promise that if you donate money I'll do everything in my power to make sure to get a picture for you because a bald, white woman is not something you see everyday. Plus, admit it, you totally need to do more charity work.

Read this then go donate, like, twenty bones. It'll be good for you.

You can't sing, get off my televison.

So. I don't know to what extent I've discussed this on this blog, but I have a mild affinity for television. I like that it keeps me in the know, and it puts me to bed at night, wakes me up in the morning and generally just gives me that warm and cozy feeling.

When I was in high school I had, what has recently been diagnosed as, a Television Addiction. This is astounding for several reasons.
1- I was in school full time, danced at least 30 hours a week, played soccer, had 2-3 jobs at all times and basically had zero free time.
2- My parents were evil and forced us to give up TV for lent. Every year. This is child endangerment and I can't believe we never bothered to report them, I think we were too busy throwing hissy fits
3- (in that vein) my mother abhored television (she's gotten over that, thank goodness) and refused to get anything beyond basic cable, plus we had an awful signal so at any given time we could count on having about 5 channels that were actually watchable. One of these was always PAX. "God's" gift to TV. PAX always came in clear. That's what happens when you live in crazy-religious Western Maryland.

So, I had a deep and committed relationship with my VCR. Seriously. I was constantly recording prime time TV, so I'd get home at 11. Watch a late night talk show, then as much of what I had recorded without falling asleep. Then I'd get up an extra half hour early to watch whatever I'd missed.

Are you judging me yet?!

This crazy behavior has pretty much subsided since the advent of reality television which, for the most part, I absolutly can not stand. My required viewing programs have filtered off the air. Now I pretty much only need to watch on Sunday night and Tuesday because I. Loooove. House.

I know. You're still judging.

Yes, the writing is formulaic and increadibly repetitive and not nearly as good in the second season as it was in the first season and the secondary characters get tiresome and the stars get really tiresome and they need to not only fire their costume designer but black list her, run her out of town, cut off an appendage or two and probably land her on a deserted island where she can never get her hands on anything that is even remotely close to a woman's tailored vest because WOW is she doing Jennifer Morrison (and whatever-Cuddy's-real-name-is)a huuuuge disservice by making them look absolutly ridiculous and not fashion conscious at all even though they're young, and gorgeous.

Also, I have a massive wish-he-was-my-doctor crush on Hugh Laurie that can only be topped by George Clooney as Dr. Doug Ross, the best thing to ever happen to pediatric medicine ever. I also have a long standing relationship with Robert Sean Leonard (who is totally wasted on this show, btw) steming from his adorable puppy dog turn as Claudio in the Kenneth Braunagh-Emma Thompson Much Ado about Nothing and the only-in-new-york fact that he took/takes voice lessons at the same studio as I do/did.

So. To get back to the point of this blog (because at some point before the last ice age, this blog has a point) since House is the only show on during the week that I really want to see and I had to miss most of the beginning of the 2nd season due to my good-for-nothing-ficton class and so in this, my final semester of college, when choosing which credit-fillers I was going to take I decided that I would forgo any classes on Tuesday that ended after 7, noting the fact that they weren't really offering anything that good anyway, so I would get to enjoy House without having to bribe my roommate to record it.

You would think that Fox would commend this time of devotion and try to keep its viewers in that key 18-49 demographic happy.

You would be wrong.

Instead of variating their programming like a normal TV empire, Fox has decided that the only thing they have going for them is American -fucking- Idol. I hate this show. I kinda hated it in the beginning but watched it because I really liked Kelly Clarkson. I kinda hated the second season but watched the finale and then threw things when Clay won (what-fucking-ever America). Since then I have avoided it, like the plauge. I don't know who won the third season or what season they're on for that matter. Mostly I hate that the people aren't talented and that Fox thinks its okay to put delusional crazies who can't sing on TV every night for a whole week.

Don't pretend like you don't watch it. Someone watches it or else Rupert Murchoch would put down the crack pipe, get out of his bathtub full of money and put actual television back on. Seriously. House has been on exactly 5 times since the semester started, and it won't be on again until next week. While this does mean I get to watch Scrubs(which is also totally awesome and NBC should really put it on a night not against a medical drama), its not what I want.

There was a point to this blog at some point, but it's been lost in my blind hatred for anyone who watches American Idol, that totally includes people in my immediate family.

America. I blame you. Now I'm judging.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Instead of actually reading...

I found this on 50 Books, a blog I've been stalking in recent months. She's great, read her stuff. Anyway she had a link to this article about the 30 books you should read before you die*:

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Bible
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien
1984 by George Orwell
A Christmas Carolby Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
All Quiet on the Western Front by E M Remarque
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Middlemarch by George Eliot
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzenhitsyn

*- I bolded all books I've read (I'm totally counting ones that I only read part of...because I have a habit of dropping books, particularly ones I'm reading for school, with only 15 or so pages to go).

I'm pretty impressed with how much of this list I've conquered, particularly because I find myself reading mostly crap. However, I think that this is a fault of the list more than a dazzling biblophilic feat of mine. A huge number of these books are very contemporary and so, while excellent reads, are probably not going to resonate through the ages like their older counterparts. While I think The Time Traveler's Wife is a wonderful book that should be read by all who really want to believe in desperate, miserable, wonderful, forever Love-with-a-capitol-L-and-a-sigh-at-the-end I don't think it is a more important book than many others I've read (including Don't Lets Go to the Dogs Tonight and Kite Runner both of which I think should be read by everyone).

This list was manufactured by a group of Librarians, which is kind of interesting from a sociological point of view (and by "kind of" I mean "not really" unless you're a big, fat dork like me). When I think of librarians I always think of Mrs. Makela who was the librarian at my elementary school until third grade. She wore sensible black shoes and glasses that hung from a string around her neck. She always wrote in this beautiful style of calligraphy. She was married, I think, and was wonderful and nice and grandmotherly. I know that there are librarians who aren't moments away from cashing those crucial social security checks but I haven't met them (except I totally just got why Time Travelers is on the list, like 80% of it takes place in a library, doi). I guess this is the difference between having Librarians make a list and having English professors make a list.

I am a big book geek. Eventually I'll make my own list.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

heads or tails?

So. I'm having an increadibly ridiculous, spoiled girl problem. And I'm pretty embarrased to be sharing it but really I can not make up my damned mind...this is something I'm gonna have to work on in the future... but for now, you guys can help me make up my mind, because that's what I pay you for.

So. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my first post-college summer. I already know that whenever I'm done with what I choose to do, I'm moving to Chicago where I'll...I don't know, be bad at making choices in colder weather. So here's my dilema. With my summer I can either:

a)move to Nantucket, and live with my aunt and adorable cousins while working various jobs waiting on rude, rich people and possibly meet a prep-tastic, totally loaded man who will make me his trophy wife. I'll be no less than 10 minutes from the Ocean at any point during the day. My bills will be minimial, I'll probably have to pay a little rent and throw in some beans for groceries but any time I'm feeling really poor I can take the 15 minute bike ride to Granny's house and just eat all her food. Plus, my aunt has really great cable, I never get to see my cousins and I'll get to spend all sorts of time outside, getting tan, meeting new people and having a new, fun experience in a place that I only know in terms of Family Vacation (ie never been to a bar or out with people my own age).


b)I can house sit for my grandmother while she's in Nantucket. I'll have a five-bedroom house all to myself and won't have to pay for anything except groceries. I'll probably get a job with some sort of office, answering phones and spending too much time on Myspace. I'll have a car sometimes, the rest I'll have to rely on public transportation which, in Montgomery County, is shady at best. My grandmother will require me to do ridiculous tasks while she's gone and will probably yell at me when she gets back because I've moved something or thrown something away that she wanted to keep forever (this will probably be a bottle of flat club soda--Granny is crazy). There is the potential for some next-door-neighbor ass. I'll be an hour drive from Parkville/Baltimore, a 20 minute subway ride from DC, and 30 minutes from Middletown, meaning, that except for my NYC friends (and possibly Tierra) I'll be closer and easier to hang out with than I've been since Summer 2004.

This choice may seem so easy...but its not. It really boils down to, do I take my chances with meeting new, cool people on Nantucket, while getting to live somewhere for three months that most people only dream about, while spending time with some of my favorite members of my family, without having to stress about transportation or bills and give my friends the opportunity to come up and visit me to troll the beachs looking for fione life guards and drink beers in the Chicken Box?

Or do I go to a place I have only a passing knowledge of, completely learn a brand new bus system (knowing how much I hate taking buses), mow my granny's lawn, sleep in a big, scary house all by myself, and work in a job that will make me want to claw my brains out but get to spend my last few months before I move half way across the country with my parents, cousins (new baby 2nd cousin), and some of my most favorite people in the whole world?

Okay. Someone else make this choice. It is toooo hard.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Andie v. the three 6 mafia

So. I, like every other sad sack with an Oscar pool to lose (thanks, Crash), tuned in on Sunday night to watch Hollywood's best and brightest be really effin' boring and, for the most part, poorly dressed. After about 20 minutes I had to look away from that fugly-ass set because I was afraid it was going to burn my corneas with its uglyness and so I abandoned the TV. I checked in every few minutes to make sure that I was in fact, crashing (heh) and burning (heh x2) in the pool (final concensus: 13 out of 24. wow) and to see who was giving their acceptance speech while very obviously high as a kite. I managed to catch the tail end of the Crash-nominated song. I was so completely enthralled (read: staring as one does at a particularly heinous car accident) by the totally ridiculous high-school-dance-team-captain choreographed interpretive dance that I completely missed the singer (who I wasn't that impressed with anyway).

Cut to ten minutes ago when reading The Manolo's blog I discovered that the singer was a Bird York who, when feeling less avian, goes by the name Kathleen York. aka. Andie Wyatt aka Toby's ex-wife and baby mamma on The West Wing.

I knew she had had a four-line part in the movie as the cop who isn't a)a racist, b)a rapist, or c)black or hispanic, making her the best written, least obnoxious person in the whole movie. I also was probably the only one in the theatre who got really excited when she came on screen, because I'm that big a dork.

Good luck on that singing career, Kath-leen (sorry, cupcake, Bird is a really ridiculous name) although I think the world would be a better place if you dropped it and made an appearance in the last eight episodes of TWW.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Why I'm never gonna win my Oscar pool.

Well, first of all, because instead of picking I am obviously writing a blog. Duh. But besides that...I am super stressed about this, my very first (I know...craziness) Oscar pool. I completely blame the stress on genetics because I am wicked competitive and not winning this will be, for about 5 minutes, the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of the universe. So there's that, and the fact that I was a bad movie-goer in 2005. I saw nothing...If I had more free time and fifty bucks to kill I would totally spend Saturday seeing all these movies (correction: I have seen Crash, Brokeback, Syriana, and Memoirs of a Geisha but that is, embarrasingly, it).

Other reasons:
I'm just too fair! I want everyone to win something. Seriously, I'm like "well, I give this one to The Squid and the Whale because its only nominated for one, and then I'll give Good Night, and Good Luck one of those boring technical ones to even it out" No! This is not how the Academy thinks! Life is not fair. Life is about winning and winning big. I *know* that most years, a single movie sweeps like, seven awards...But can I really risk everything on the gay cowboys? I'm just not comfortable doing that.

And then there's the dumb luck part, see also: Techincal mumbo jumbo. For things like "sound mixing" I find myself blindly choosing, which gives me about a 20% chance and I have horrid luck so, that 20% is probably not gonna cut it.

I spent like twenty minutes researching the best way to pick winners and they give all sorts of fun statistical things that make the numbers geek inside me have a little mathgasm. But those are the easy ones. I want a statistical answer for who I should pick for "short film--live action" becase I haven't heard of ANY of these.

I now have 40 minutes to make my choices and now that I have lost all of your respect, I'm gonna go research the film The Moon and the Son: An Imagnined Conversation. Because its gonna make me lucky!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Where no girl has gone before.

So. I got myself a little sauced on Mardi Gras. I chalk it up to the fact that this is the year of 21, so all alcohol-based holidays must be celebrated, "just for the story" (this, by the way, is the reasoning behind a good 98% of my decisions). Anyway, while I was imbibing my roommates and I discussed the upcoming Lenten period and what we were gonna give up. I told them my watery-caffeine idea and they dubbed it "laaaame."

"Fine!" I exclaimed (seriously...I exclaimed it, I was working my way through my second hurricane at this point). "I'm gonna give up shopping." A hush fell over the crowd and I realized what I had just said.

The table laughed. The kid who had known me for, like, seven minutes laughed. Obviously this was a pipe dream on my part. After that outburst of crazy the subject was dropped. I stumbled home at like 2:30 and sifting through the piles of clothes on my floor in a desperate search for some "effin' jammies" I realized that I do have a lot of clothing and if I ever did laundry I would probably figure that out. So yesterday morning I decided I had to, at least, try to give up shopping, especially because the money, it does not quite grow on those trees that grow in Brooklyn.

And of course, lets get specific. We're talking clothes and general junk shopping. I still have to buy food and sometimes the occasional gift (birthdays wait for no resurrection of Christ) and I'm gonna do it like a true Episcopalian (aka fake Catholic) and give myself the opportunity to cheat on Sundays because I do know that I need shoes and possibly a sweater to go with my Easter dress which is a whole other can of bananas because its black, which is making my Granny even more batshit crazy than she is normally, even though its 40's-tastic and beautiful, because apparently you can not celebrate the rebirth (by eating your birth weight in candy and baby sheep) while wearing black. It is, apparently, not what Jesus would friggin' do.

She's pint-sized and amazing.