Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Truisms from heaven (eleven)

I like to think of that thin slice of sidewalk between the curb and lampposts, street signs, and newspaper boxes as the express lane. 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Big feels

As I meander closer to 30, I have been taking stock of the world at large, and my changing reactions to it.

The thing I keep coming back to is how much more strongly I feel emotions now. I have always been one to speak in hyperbole but I have started to feel in it too. Or at least, I have recently (within the past two years) become aware of feeling positive emotions much more powerfully.

I feel it in my chest, just to the right of my heart (my right, your left), almost at the center of my breastbone. Its this dull ache right under the ribs. It comes on suddenly and sharpens over a minute or two. The only way I have ever been able to describe it is that it feels like my heart might explode (hyperbolic until the end). Never have I remembered feeling such love and happiness as I do now.

The first instance I remember of this was the first time Boyfriend held my hand in a movie theater. It traveled from our fingers and landed in my chest to ignite the coals. The next time I remember labeling it was when one of my favorite tots (who was then about 18 months old) said my name unprompted for the first time.

I feel it all the time now, in holding the babies of my favorite people, in waking up next to my best friend with two kittens at our feet, in big hugs from the littlest (and biggest) of my cousin-monsters, in watching my friends be in love, in good music on sunny days, in sending a final "love you, good night," text after night of endless laughter.

All these feelings, that have always felt good, resonate mentally and physically. I'm not sure why. I am not sure if it is healthy or normal, but I am thankful that it happens as it gives me pause and recognition about how good things are for me. I have always been highly aware of negative emotions and thoughts, it feels as though my brain is righting itself now that I am very old.

It also might just be that I should stop eating dairy...

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


Today is full of people doing brave things.

It comes with really yucky, heavy belly, under-your-ribs ache.

At the bottom, though, under that stone at the bottom of your diaphragm, is this feeling of excitement. Bravery doesn't always mean succeeding, but it means trying and knowing there is more out there for you.

Monday, July 07, 2014

Be with the people...

You should only be friends with people who talk to you like this:

If your friends don't think you can be BeyoncĂ© - then don't spend Monday night, or Wednesday at 3 pm, or Saturday at 1:30 am with them. 

I feel very lucky to have had this summer.

Saturday, July 05, 2014

Heritage oil

If I have learned anything being raised as the daughter, granddaughter, great granddaughter and goddaughter of some (completely different but all excellent) cooks - it's that you can put whatever you want in a pan of olive oil and it will probably work out. 

Today it is beet stems and garlic scapes with some bonus balsamic.

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Thursday feelings.

It sounds real shmaltzy, but I am being revisited by the past a butt-ton recently, and I'm trying to figure out why.

Of course, the real answer is there is not a why.  The people you see on the street/liking your stuff on facebook/popping up on gchat are totally random.

But maybe it's because there might be big changes in the pipeline. Or even small changes. Maybe it is because the summer makes me nostalgic for other summers. Maybe it is because I just realized I will be 30 in less than four months, and that kind of makes me nauseous.

Whatever it is. I know you're all there - people from the past. I am terrified to engage with you, so you just kind of float along, down the sidewalks (both actual and technological) and I just wait for you to pass by.

I am forever grateful to A Softer World for always understanding exactly how I feel. I also just almost titled this "blog post" because that is how hipster-existential I am feeling this morning.

Tuesday, July 01, 2014


We've had some bad flight experiences, but this one was a doozy of all the worst things that Mother Nature and Southwest Airlines can throw at you. 

It was ever so slightly redeemed by this magnificent sight on Lake Shore Drive at almost-3:00 a.m.

And then I got a little sad again realizing kick off is in a mere 12 hours. 

She's pint-sized and amazing.