Brain waves

I have said it a million times, but I am not being facetious when I say that Boyfriend and I are up most nights until at least midnight working. And there are bonus all-day-Sunday weekend additions too.

When there isn't football on, and we haven't devolved into being too zoned out to turn it off, the TV is on, to give us some semblance of just being two normal not-overachieving people. 

For the past month or two we've been watching Arrested Development, from the beginning, six or seven episodes at a time. Last week, on the orders of all of my Facebook friends, we added Broadchurch to the mix.

You should watch both of these shows. They're both amazing. If you're like me and never got around to AD when it was on- carpe the Netflix.

Broadchurch may require your local Internet dark alley, but it's so worth it. A stunning sea-side, small town with gorgeous cliffs and vistas is really the only place to set a show as gut wrenching as this one. So that people can have the mixed emotional response of, "I am so sad and this is so awful, Oooh I really, really want to visit this, why don't our sad things in real life have beautiful ocean-reflected sunset lighting them?" 

For a few days we were watching both Arrested Development and Broadchurch back-to-back because variety is the spice of any life that is devoted to spreadsheets. 

Those were the nights of the most bizarre dreams. In a weird, sick way, my brain found a way for these shows to fit together and the result was unsettling. 

So, for me, it's back to eight hours of West Wing back to back when I need to get my work done. 

March Awesomeness

March tends to be kind of a throwaway month as we all sit on the edges of our seats waiting for Chicago Summer but for some reason, this March is going to be amazing.  More details to come once all these totally amazing things have happened.

Tonight - This (to eat)

Next Thursday (through Monday) - This (to experience)

Then bright and early the next Saturday - This (to get ridiculous)

Then the next Friday, at 10 PM - This (to watch)

*edited to add* how could I forget?! - This (to watch as well)

And then to round out the month, on the 30th - This (to listen to)

This month is also going to have a lot of challenges and some tears as I try to work through a lot of stuff. But knowing that there is something awesome happening every. single. week should give me the motivation I need to get through all the crappy stuff.

Happy March!

a dark alley update

This should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone who knows me - and so knows about my complete and total lack of self-control when it comes to hedonism - I went down the dark internet alley, full of pop-up ads, praying that no viruses would befall my precious, precious macbook.

I am now well beyond the American viewing public in episodes of season 2 Downton Abbey. I am not done yet (but will for sure be done by this time tomorrow).

After talking to a wise man who first broke my heart by telling me that I would NOT be touring Downton Abbey during my currently hypothetical trip to London for my birthday (apparently its only open April - June, boo). He helped me see that I can still watch it on Sundays and find a great deal of enjoyment, but its worth it to just know everything now. I'll sleep better, I'll probably focus more at work, and I will be able to turn my entire attention to some other completely fictional world.

I promise that I will try really, really hard to not post about Downton Abbey again*

*Until after the Christmas Episode**

**and when it starts airing again in September.

to the Abbey

Over the weekend I started a whirlwind and torrid love affair.  One that kept me up much to late and even once I went to bed I simply lay there thinking about it, wanting more. Thank goodness Boyfriend is in sunny Orlando because he would raise a serious eyebrow over this current obsession.

Guys! Downton Abbey!! Holy Shit.  This is one of those moments where I am so.mad at everyone for not making me watch this a Year ago when it came out (conveniently forgetting that everyone, including my mom, told me to watch it a year ago.  Shake me harder next time, people).

It was okay though, because instead of having a long drawn out romance - we got right to business. 10 episodes in 28 hours or so (with breaks for sleeping, rehearsal and book club). No time for anything but tragic entail drama and real, real good hair.

But now? Its been almost 48 hours since this business started and we're done (until next Sunday) - we're out of artsy reflection shots, sweet hats and gut-wrenching, longing looks... and I do not know how I am going to survive until next week.  All day I have had this little thought bubble full of plot lines and interior decorating trying to get my attention, it is like the boy who keeps glancing at you at the bar. And he's really cute, but its supposed to be girls night so you're trying to ignore him, but he is just so cute and clearly wants to get with you.  How are you supposed to resist that?? (answer - you can't. I got NO work done today).

Apparently there are dark, dingy back alleys of the internet where I could go to get my fix, but then? I will watch it all in a night and have to wait until September (Seriously, I cannot even imagine...) and so I will tough it out like a good little solider.

There are so many things about this show that are amazing.  Here are some:

1- Maggie Smith. Oh my Maggie Smith. Can she do anything wrong, ever? She's perfection in this role. She drops one liners that, literally (I swear to the moon this happened) made me hoot, "Oh Shiiiiiiit." by myself, in my apartment.

2- Maggie Smith (again).  Because she is that awesome AND because they call her Granny which, of course, makes me think of my Granny.  And I think that in my own Granny's head the life of the Crowleys is exactly the life we are supposed to be leading.  I can imagine her sitting around Rockville, MD thinking, "how come no one calls me the Dowager Countess?"

3- Here are my all-time favorite things to look at: clothes, architecture (and interior design) and puppies. OH WEIRD. This show has the holy triumvirate. #Winning.

4- Everyone is an asshole.  Even the people who are not assholes, are kind of assholes.  Name one character and I will tell you the dick things they did.  Sometimes they do dick things with the best of intentions, but most of those good intentions are really self-indulgent. I love watching people be jerks (next on the docket, The Wire).

5- Things don't go the way I want them to. As everyone knows, I am a cold-hearted commitment phobe who hates both love and happiness (but mostly love).  I am the girl who is always saying, "yeah, but you just know Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are going to break up in two months." But secretly, I want stuff to work out and for everyone to be perfect and in love.  This show is killing me because things don't work out (see above about everyone being an asshole) and that makes me so sad and anxious.  This show is revealing my true colors of being a die hard romantic (seriously, if Mary and Matthew don't end up together I Will Die).

6- It's the antidote to Dance Moms and Toddlers & Tiaras (which is what currently makes up at least 50% of my appointment viewing right now). The British are good at everything.

7- I needed a new addiction. My life felt empty and weird and I was starting to turn to human interaction to keep me entertained. This will keep me going until The Hunger Games movie comes out (at least).

8 - THIS.

The Post about "Dance Moms"

I very much considered not writing this blog - especially since I just wrote about dance a hot minute ago, but my brain is wickedly lacking in the "things to bother people with" department and I know y'all are just itching to get some new bidz'ness to waste your work day with.

Here's the thing people, Dance Moms is either the craziest, scammiest, most absurd piece of reality television on right now (which is saying a. Lot) or competitive dance has changed in the past 11 years.

Back in my day.  When you competitively danced, you were given a routine at the beginning of the "season," MONTHS ahead of your first competition.  Whether it was small group, solo or large group every thing was choreographed, costumed and practiced within an inch of its pointed-toes, big-arms life before you could even feasibly buy a plane ticket to the competition.  You did the same routine (or maybe, some at one competition and some at another) and you wore the same clothes and Nothing Changed.

I think once, mid-season, a triple piourette got made a double because someone couldn't land it and they were blowing the timing, but beyond small things - everything was always the same for a whole season. In fact I am willing to wager a guess that if you pumped the particular jams that I danced to, I could still whip out some moves.  This was Eleven Years ago.  That is how ingrained into my head these dances were.  There are some brain cells that could have probably been put to better use figuring out what calculus is exactly - but nope, those cells are full of shuffle-cross-step-ball-change.

SO NOW. I am watching Dance Moms because it is the kind of junky television that gets my motor going.  Oh man, little girls and their insane parents with sequins thrown in...its like taking bong hits of tackiness.  The only thing that makes me sad is it is on at the same time as Toddlers and Tiaras.  Its like Lifetime and TLC want you to make a choice.  And I say, cut the baby in half.  I want it all.

(a side note - there is a piece of me that knows it is wrong to watch both of these shows with as much regularity as I do - so I refuse to tivo either of them.  I will very often watch Dance Moms on demand, relax its free, but I will not make it "appointment viewing." There is a frilly ankle-socked line that I am just not willing to cross).

Anyway - on Dance Moms the girls learn dances 3 - 5 days before the competition and there seems to be some sort of disastrous situation with the costumes that never, ever seems to land in any one's favor (except, of course, Maddie - she wins at everything) and they are always scrambling.  This is totally insane.  Of course they aren't placing.  Of course they are forgetting the steps.  They're eight years-old.  Unless you have some sort of Rain-man like abilities, almost no one is going to learn a dance in three hours, especially a girl who is verbally abused by her manipulative, terrifying freight train of a dance teacher.

So now my question is - what the blunt?  Is this some sort of thing cooked up by the producers so that the crewneck-kitten-applique-sweatshirt wearing brigade watching this over their Stoffers lean cuisines don't get too bored?  Is it Abby Lee drinking that hubris juice?  Or is this how competitions are done now?

My experience was limited to be sure (I never got to practice my dance in front of a drag queen named La'Queefa - much to my retrospective dismay) but I cannot image this is how they are running these particular shit shows.

Anyway, this has always struck me as so false and transparent.  Why would you be trying to get costumes less than a week in advance?  Doesn't that just sound like a bad idea? See also getting a kid to commit anything to memory.

And now that I've seen the finale where (spoilers!) they have to audition for the "music video" there was this huge "a-ha!" reveal of why Abby Lee tortured her dancers by not giving them enough time.  It was a training technique! Ooohhhhh. 

Nope.  Not at all.  That business is for your class time.  In classes you can learn a combination in 10 minutes and then perform it all to your hearts content - in competitions its just stupid. 

AND, while we are talking about things that are stupid, I cannot imagine something dumber than having parents observe classes and auditions and rehearsals.  I will give them a pass on the parents being there for the music video shoot since I think its required to have a guardian on location for anything like that - but otherwise, this is a total scam set up by Lifetime.  No dance teacher (or really any teacher/coach) wants parents within a 2 mile radius of a class or rehearsal happening.  It only makes everyone mad and the baby jesus cry pink glittery tears of sadness.

On a personal note, I was SO satisfied to see (spoilers!) Chloe get the lead in the video.  As a second banana in my own experience who once or twice had that moment - it is the most satisfying thing.  One can only hope that it will help her realize that the best thing she can do is get out of there right after high school and become a worldly, confident woman while Maddie tears her acl, gets knocked up by a casting director and moves back in with her lunatic mom for the rest of time.

Steps of Knowledge

We're sitting on the couch watching youtube clips of old Nickelodeon shows this evening. A few things -

The hosts of these shows were cracked out of their minds. Kirk Fogg has cocaine dripping out his eyeballs. Also the host of Nick Arcade could not look more ridiculous. He basically spent the whole show wearing Bill Cosby's hand me downs. But more white.

You Can't Do That On Television is maybe the most unfunny thing ever. Like state funeral unfunny.

The aggro crag was really just a junk heap. I used to think it was made of like, synthetic mountain material but its really just razor wire and old CPUs. All those kids had tetanus.

Why were kids so terrible at the wave pool on Global Guts? They were filming this in Florida (California?), one would think they had experienced water with some current to it at one point in their lives.

Seriously - it was like the part of SNL after the music act plays unfunny. So terrible.

I don't quite understand the mechanics of Nick Arcade but 1 - apparently neither did any of the kids and 2 - that show was just a desperate plea for kids to buy video games. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that show is why the kids of today are build like baby elephants.

There was a moment in time where the show was called "Super Sloppy Double Dare." That sounds like the beginning of a very low budget creeper Porno.

Also! On double dare there use to be a challenge where you had to pop balloons?! Ugh.

I would have never taken the physical challenge, because I seem to know the answer to every single question on that show.

Wild and Crazy Kids was just a gratuitous waste of resources. Apparently we didn't really care about the world when that show was on. No need to conserve anything. Just pour it all over each other while people laugh at your misfortune.

Back, baby

Okay - sorry about the blog drought. I just realized that my Hawaii posts were extra double lame because I was trying to write them while watching Lost, and if you have ever watched Lost, you know that doing anything while watching that show is pretty damned near impossible.

But I am back! And I am jet lagged! And I am sun-burnt! And I am bruised!

It was by-far the most active vacation of my entire life. Where I come from the most aerobic activity you get while on vacation is turning over so you tan evenly. This time I hiked and climbed and got beaten up by surf and hiked and climbed some more.

It was amazing, even though I am pretty sore all over, both from the climbing and the falling down a volcanic rock face. I did not fall far, and the damage wasn't too severe, but man are these bruises serious.

And we Lost-nerded. it. up. Like Whoa. Let's be real folks, if you let yourself get into this show, it will get you. It will take you in and beat you up like a Pimp named Slickback. And you will crawl back begging for more.

I spent a lot of my time wondering why in the world Maimees would ever even consider moving back to the Chi, but then I remembered my life in Nantucket...and how having true, amazing friends is what it takes to make an island a home.

And now some more pictures - the rest will be posted on Picassa in a hot second -

Because I can't afford the real deal

I will watch Planet Earth in HD and dream about being able to see all these places and animals.

And then I will probably plan a trip to Vegas. Because I'm an idiot.

pondering.

"Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves."

With nothing good on TV right now, I'm going through and watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes. That was part of Meridith's voice over in one season 2 episode. I spent most of the time when I was watching this in real time ignoring the voice overs because Ellen Pompeo's voice gives me a headache. But I heard that today, and it made things a little bit clearer.

I look at the quote and I have to kind of shrug. Because its true, and I can't figure out how to stop it.

I'm still here

So, this has been quite the hiatus I've taken from blogging. Although, not really -- I do actually blog on a biweekly basis for the lil hometown paper I was talking about. If I had a static link for it, I would post it, but since I don't, I'll try to remember to copy-paste the entries here -- because they are Hi-Larious. Actually no, but they tend to be entertaining.

Right now I'm enthralled with the second season of Nip/Tuck. My newest television addiction since the WGA strike (its helpful that my roommate owns all seasons on DVD). I'm mildly shocked that they're allowed to show this much graphic sex and surgery on basic cable. And since when can we say "shit" on tv? I never got that memo.

Other then that-- '08 has been good to me this week. I dropped a hundred and fifty bones on clothes in the past two days. I didn't go out drinking at all this weekend, which was actually kind of nice (particularly now that I don't have any money after all the clothes buying).

I start an eight week run of shows at iO tonight. While I am very excited about this opportunity, I am also straight terrified. The forms that my team has concocted are interesting and kinda awesome, but at the same time they aren't quite ready for performance. I'm hoping that we'll figure out a way to cheat for now until we get a chance to figure everything out.

One of the cats in my house peed on my amazing Pier 1 chair. I'm super distraught about it although my Mom is confident that the smell will come out with some Nature's Miracle treatments. Also one of the windows in my living room is broken... our apartment is pretty much falling apart.

I'm considering putting on clothes and starting the day, but I think instead I'll finish this season of Nip/Tuck, read more of Franny and Zooey and wait for the message I'm waiting for.

100th post

So...I've been trying to decide what this, my 100th post should be about. There are a few thoughts that have swimming around, but the emo factor of this blog is already reaching a dangerously high level, so I've decided to give a little sample from my mental salad bar instead of bitching about all the things that are going wrong.

1- 100 Posts. That's pretty awesome. I'm guessing that about 40% of them are entertaining. The rest are pretty much drivel and the above-mentioned emo crap.

2- H, the cousin I mentioned in the last post who recently got hitched, is apparently knocked-up. Hahaha. I kind of win.

3- I have yet to try that KFC stoner-bowl-of-awesomeness. But I really want to. Except for the fact that once I try one, I'm probably going to want them all the time. And my eating habits are disturbing/disgusting enough without bringing fake-chicken and a bowl of starchy-carbs into the mix.

4- I just ordered a sample of $37 soap

5- I am so glad that I am now on the winning side of the Mac/PC ads. Sometimes I just want to hug Bunny the laptop forever and ever.

6- Since living in Chicago I have received some of the nicest compliments ever including my level 2 iO teacher telling me that I reminded her of herself at 22. Considering she's pretty much everything I want to be at 30, I can't think of a better indication that I am on the right track.

7- I think I like the show Brothers and Sisters so much because it reminds me of My Mom's family, except they have way too many boys. And we've managed to stay away from dating political figures.

8- Can someone explain fake-bake tanning to me? Like, if I need to be super-tan by the 2nd weekend in June when should I start going to the sketchy tan place next door?

9- I haven't seen one of my roomates in 3 weeks. Its not that I don't like her as a person, but its been kind of nice not having negotiate bathroom time.

10- Why do I feel the need to eat immediately after going grocery shopping?

Someone out there is a dream-reader

I'm a little behind, I know, but I just discovered that George Clooney and John Krasinski are doing a movie together. Buh! My two lobsters sharing a movie screen! The only thing that could make this movie any more dream-ier is if they cast Michael Vartan in it too. If that happened...I just...like...my mind just exploded thinking about the sheer hotness that would radiate. I seriously think that if they put that trio together the sun would just give up. The sun would be like, "You got Clooney, Jim and Michael Vartan? Eff that, I'm out!" The only thing left to do is put a hit out on Renee Zell-sucks-at-life and drug the casting director so he'll hire me in her place.

Other things that need to be discussed (while I have your attention), are my on-going issues with Studio 60. I really (really) want to like this show but I really (really) think they need to 86 Harriet. Stat. As someone who loves nothing more than a boy shoving her up against a wall sticking his tongue down her throat, particularly at inopportune/suprising moments (ie backstage), the fact that Harriet could not pull it together on National-frickin'-live television shows how useless she really is. I mean, come on! I get that we have to show the imbeciles still watching this show (Oh yeah, ps, Thanks Aaron Sorkin for writing as though the people who really want your show to succeed (so are still watching it) are retar-tars. We really appreciate it!) that Harriet is shocked (shocked! I tell you) that her ex-boyfriend who is seething with jealousy would do such a crazy thing as kiss her...but she's a professional and she's allegedly got some comedic/improvisational background and so should be quite good at not being a stupid, flighty girl. Let's be real here.

Though, in an effort of full disclosure, I did get a little misty eyed at the whole New Orleans musicians thing. You can't do a rendition of "O Holy Night", particularly a jazz one, with such kitchy-sad story line, that isn't going to make me just a wee bit weepy. You win that one Sorkin, and the one where Josh (rather creepily) tells Jordan that he is "coming after" her and then tells her to chew her sandwich, just because, a mouth full of food is kind of always funny. But thats it! No more playing on the fact that I love sad Christmas Carols and secretly want a boy to tell me to get ready to fall in love with him.

So now I'm going to spend the rest of the day pretending that instead of Josh it was Jim-from-the-Office (much easier to pronouce than his real name) giving that speech and the girl with the sandwich wasn't so much Jordan as it was me. Guh. He is so my lobster.

Of course...

This might be the most unflattering picture of all time. I'm tall and gorgeous. Don't these quiz people know that?

Smart, sexy, and sassy, both the press and other staffers know not to mess with Claudia Jean. A natural at her job, the press secretary is sensitive toward women's issues and stands up for 'the Sisterhood.' Her wit and one-liners along with her lip synching ability are known across the land.


:: Which West Wing character are you? ::

please

Will someone please, please buy me this shirt.

Anything with a Saved By The Bell tie-in is really the way to go.

dude

Anyone else freaking the fuck out about the Grey's Anatomy finale tonight?

Okay, cool. Its not just me.

Oh man, Shonda Rhimes...I am soooo your bitch.

You can't sing, get off my televison.

So. I don't know to what extent I've discussed this on this blog, but I have a mild affinity for television. I like that it keeps me in the know, and it puts me to bed at night, wakes me up in the morning and generally just gives me that warm and cozy feeling.

When I was in high school I had, what has recently been diagnosed as, a Television Addiction. This is astounding for several reasons.
1- I was in school full time, danced at least 30 hours a week, played soccer, had 2-3 jobs at all times and basically had zero free time.
2- My parents were evil and forced us to give up TV for lent. Every year. This is child endangerment and I can't believe we never bothered to report them, I think we were too busy throwing hissy fits
3- (in that vein) my mother abhored television (she's gotten over that, thank goodness) and refused to get anything beyond basic cable, plus we had an awful signal so at any given time we could count on having about 5 channels that were actually watchable. One of these was always PAX. "God's" gift to TV. PAX always came in clear. That's what happens when you live in crazy-religious Western Maryland.

So, I had a deep and committed relationship with my VCR. Seriously. I was constantly recording prime time TV, so I'd get home at 11. Watch a late night talk show, then as much of what I had recorded without falling asleep. Then I'd get up an extra half hour early to watch whatever I'd missed.

Are you judging me yet?!

This crazy behavior has pretty much subsided since the advent of reality television which, for the most part, I absolutly can not stand. My required viewing programs have filtered off the air. Now I pretty much only need to watch on Sunday night and Tuesday because I. Loooove. House.

I know. You're still judging.

Yes, the writing is formulaic and increadibly repetitive and not nearly as good in the second season as it was in the first season and the secondary characters get tiresome and the stars get really tiresome and they need to not only fire their costume designer but black list her, run her out of town, cut off an appendage or two and probably land her on a deserted island where she can never get her hands on anything that is even remotely close to a woman's tailored vest because WOW is she doing Jennifer Morrison (and whatever-Cuddy's-real-name-is)a huuuuge disservice by making them look absolutly ridiculous and not fashion conscious at all even though they're young, and gorgeous.

Also, I have a massive wish-he-was-my-doctor crush on Hugh Laurie that can only be topped by George Clooney as Dr. Doug Ross, the best thing to ever happen to pediatric medicine ever. I also have a long standing relationship with Robert Sean Leonard (who is totally wasted on this show, btw) steming from his adorable puppy dog turn as Claudio in the Kenneth Braunagh-Emma Thompson Much Ado about Nothing and the only-in-new-york fact that he took/takes voice lessons at the same studio as I do/did.

So. To get back to the point of this blog (because at some point before the last ice age, this blog has a point) since House is the only show on during the week that I really want to see and I had to miss most of the beginning of the 2nd season due to my good-for-nothing-ficton class and so in this, my final semester of college, when choosing which credit-fillers I was going to take I decided that I would forgo any classes on Tuesday that ended after 7, noting the fact that they weren't really offering anything that good anyway, so I would get to enjoy House without having to bribe my roommate to record it.

You would think that Fox would commend this time of devotion and try to keep its viewers in that key 18-49 demographic happy.

You would be wrong.

Instead of variating their programming like a normal TV empire, Fox has decided that the only thing they have going for them is American -fucking- Idol. I hate this show. I kinda hated it in the beginning but watched it because I really liked Kelly Clarkson. I kinda hated the second season but watched the finale and then threw things when Clay won (what-fucking-ever America). Since then I have avoided it, like the plauge. I don't know who won the third season or what season they're on for that matter. Mostly I hate that the people aren't talented and that Fox thinks its okay to put delusional crazies who can't sing on TV every night for a whole week.

Don't pretend like you don't watch it. Someone watches it or else Rupert Murchoch would put down the crack pipe, get out of his bathtub full of money and put actual television back on. Seriously. House has been on exactly 5 times since the semester started, and it won't be on again until next week. While this does mean I get to watch Scrubs(which is also totally awesome and NBC should really put it on a night not against a medical drama), its not what I want.

There was a point to this blog at some point, but it's been lost in my blind hatred for anyone who watches American Idol, that totally includes people in my immediate family.

America. I blame you. Now I'm judging.

Andie v. the three 6 mafia

So. I, like every other sad sack with an Oscar pool to lose (thanks, Crash), tuned in on Sunday night to watch Hollywood's best and brightest be really effin' boring and, for the most part, poorly dressed. After about 20 minutes I had to look away from that fugly-ass set because I was afraid it was going to burn my corneas with its uglyness and so I abandoned the TV. I checked in every few minutes to make sure that I was in fact, crashing (heh) and burning (heh x2) in the pool (final concensus: 13 out of 24. wow) and to see who was giving their acceptance speech while very obviously high as a kite. I managed to catch the tail end of the Crash-nominated song. I was so completely enthralled (read: staring as one does at a particularly heinous car accident) by the totally ridiculous high-school-dance-team-captain choreographed interpretive dance that I completely missed the singer (who I wasn't that impressed with anyway).

Cut to ten minutes ago when reading The Manolo's blog I discovered that the singer was a Bird York who, when feeling less avian, goes by the name Kathleen York. aka. Andie Wyatt aka Toby's ex-wife and baby mamma on The West Wing.

I knew she had had a four-line part in the movie as the cop who isn't a)a racist, b)a rapist, or c)black or hispanic, making her the best written, least obnoxious person in the whole movie. I also was probably the only one in the theatre who got really excited when she came on screen, because I'm that big a dork.

Good luck on that singing career, Kath-leen (sorry, cupcake, Bird is a really ridiculous name) although I think the world would be a better place if you dropped it and made an appearance in the last eight episodes of TWW.

Why I'm never gonna win my Oscar pool.

Well, first of all, because instead of picking I am obviously writing a blog. Duh. But besides that...I am super stressed about this, my very first (I know...craziness) Oscar pool. I completely blame the stress on genetics because I am wicked competitive and not winning this will be, for about 5 minutes, the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of the universe. So there's that, and the fact that I was a bad movie-goer in 2005. I saw nothing...If I had more free time and fifty bucks to kill I would totally spend Saturday seeing all these movies (correction: I have seen Crash, Brokeback, Syriana, and Memoirs of a Geisha but that is, embarrasingly, it).

Other reasons:
I'm just too fair! I want everyone to win something. Seriously, I'm like "well, I give this one to The Squid and the Whale because its only nominated for one, and then I'll give Good Night, and Good Luck one of those boring technical ones to even it out" No! This is not how the Academy thinks! Life is not fair. Life is about winning and winning big. I *know* that most years, a single movie sweeps like, seven awards...But can I really risk everything on the gay cowboys? I'm just not comfortable doing that.

And then there's the dumb luck part, see also: Techincal mumbo jumbo. For things like "sound mixing" I find myself blindly choosing, which gives me about a 20% chance and I have horrid luck so, that 20% is probably not gonna cut it.

I spent like twenty minutes researching the best way to pick winners and they give all sorts of fun statistical things that make the numbers geek inside me have a little mathgasm. But those are the easy ones. I want a statistical answer for who I should pick for "short film--live action" becase I haven't heard of ANY of these.

I now have 40 minutes to make my choices and now that I have lost all of your respect, I'm gonna go research the film The Moon and the Son: An Imagnined Conversation. Because its gonna make me lucky!

come on now...

Does anyone buy into those eharmony.com commercials?

For some reason there has been an influx of them on my TV screen and instead of focusing my attention on boring things like the paper due in six hours and the turkey bacon burning in the pan (...again) I have actually tried to watch them and look at these couples. My first assumption is that they're actors and pretty heinous ones at that. It really doesn't take that much to act/pretend like you love someone. The least you can do is make eye contact (something none of these winners' acting teachers ever bothered to tell them).

So if they aren't actors which I sometimes think (due to their heinous line readings) then Yikes! These people have long, miserable lives ahead of them with this person who they think the love but (as anyone with eyes and a TV can see) obviously don't.

And also, in every single couple there is one ugly person. Occasionally the inner monologue of the attractive one comes out and I hear, "Ohmigod! Why is my fake soul mate so ugly?! Damn you eharmony and your personality profile! Why do I love someone so attrocious?!"

Bad TV is my friend when I don't have a job

So I went into Express on Friday because I hadn't been in there in a while and I was in a "I should buy something for me because who else will" kind of mood and I saw this:



There is only ONE person in the whole entire world who can get away with wearing a crochet vest. And that is Leslie Burke from "Saved By the Bell: The College Years" (who isn't photographed on the internet anywhere) and she could only do it because it was the early 90's and she was supposed to be WASP-y.

In my desperate search for a picture of Leslie Burke (who has a real name but doesn't have enough cred for me to use it and for anyone to know who she is) I stumbled upon the imdb site for the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (and by stumbled upon I mean I put it in the search box because this morning in my semi-comatose state I ended up watching the first episode and laughing (on the inside, it was pretty early)) because there was a point in my life where I loved that show at about the same level I love the Housewives at (its not quite the weekly event as Grey's but its still to be celebrated). Any-WAY while noodling around seeing if anyone but Amy Jo Johnson had managed to parlay that pile of Japanese Recycled Poop into any sort of career and aparently the answer is a resounding "No!" and then I found out that the Yellow Ranger (and how fucked up is it that they made the Asian chick the Yellow Ranger?) died in 2001. Sad because I'm sure that in her obit it pretty much said, "The Asian chick who was on Power Rangers for one season died today."

In other news. Greys Anatomy (which is good tv, in case there was some confusion). I'm not gonna go into too much detail but the whole thing with George and Meredith?! Why nine times out of ten I don't tell people how I actually feel because no good is going to come from that pile of sex-mess. Also, while some of my friends are dirty Merediths and others are poor Georges, I think I've figured out that I'm a pre-doer Izzie. I would love to be a post-doer Izzie, but thats gonna take some time, mostly because I didn't have a bomb scare to jump start it. Also, I love Shonda Rhimes's post in the Writer's Blog to all the internet crazies who thought that maybe HotKyle hadn't died. It basically says "Stop being so weird and crazy, he's totally dead.

Just like the Yellow Ranger.

And the crochet vest.