Monday, August 21, 2006

Its good to be back.

So, last week on orders from a doctor, I gave up drinking. Completely. Cold turkey. For a whole week and 2 days. When I annonced that this was happening there were a few nay-sayers who were saying...well, they were saying nay. They didn't think that this pint-sized-genetically-disposed-to-alcoholism-girl-who-likes-to-celebrate had it in her to lay off the sauce for a few days. I figured we should solve things like they do it on Nantucket: throw some money at the problem. And so a fifty dollar bet was made, people were thrown in puddles and I took my last sip of Corona in the wee hours of last Friday morning.

Unlike many people who don't drink, I didn't take this as a week where I should stay home and re-evaluate my life, I still wanted to be social. What I didn't take into account is that on Nantucket you're either drunk or you're at home. There isn't so much a crew that's like, "Hey lets drink Fanta and go bowling!" mostly because there is no bowling on this rock out in the ocean. And so I found myself a Sober McSoberson in a see of Drunky McDrunkards. While this made me pretty miserable for most of the week I did learn some things.

1- Drunk people always assume that you are either a)not listening when you ramble at them or b)too drunk to remember anything they say for more than 15 seconds. People will say aaaaaaaaaanything when they are drinking. And most drunk people forget that you are sober and just view you as another convientent sieve for them to throw all their problems in. You will learn many things when you are sober.

2- Drunk people make shitty backseat drivers. I apologize to anyone I ever yelled at when they were driving my drunk ass home because it's really obnoxious to be told you're going to slow. And that you stop too long at stop signs. Designated Drivers are good people. Shower them with love and affection or just sing to the radio real loud like a normal drunkard.

3- The song Sexy Back will make me dance like I am drunk even if I have not had a drink in 6 days. Even if I'm in a car. And driving on cobblestones.

4- Theme parties are really dumb and kind of lame unless you are totally shitfaced.

5- Bartenders give you ridiculous looks when you order straight diet coke. Particularly if they remember you as, "the girl that did 6 shots that one night and then threatened to do a cartwheel on the dance floor."

I am now back to my regularly scheduled program of drinking my brain cells off. Though I think that week did me good, its nice to remember exactly what you did for a full nine days.

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She's pint-sized and amazing.