Book 15 - Unfamiliar Fishes

I spend a lot of time thinking about what I would do were I to meet an author I love in a social setting.  I like to imagine that I would be incredibly blase and ask them really erudite questions, perhaps about the oxymoronical irony of using the phrase "erudite questions" - however in my heart of hearts I know I would probably just get embarrassingly drunk and ask if we could be best friends.

The exception to this rule is if I ever meet Sarah Vowell.  In this case, I will force myself to stay sober and do whatever I can, even if I am creepily hovering, to listen to every word she says.  Then maybe, when its all said and done, find out if she would ever even consider being like, just a regular-see-you-ever-two-months friend.  Aiming low, so I won't set myself up for disappointment.

image (via)

It took me longer than I expected to get through  Unfamiliar Fishes. But then I realized that Sarah Vowell books always take a little longer than they should (based on thickness, lack of pictures and size of font) - but that is because she crams so much knowledge into each moment I find myself reading passages over and over to get every nugget of information out of it.  This book was no exception.

I was lucky enough to spend some serious quality time in Hawaii a year or so ago, and I went in as a tourist with an embarrassingly WASPy lack of interest about the history of this particular state.

In fact, if I am going to be totally real, my knowledge of the history of Hawaii is based mostly on the Saved By the Bell Hawaii Vacation mini series.  In that fine piece of cinematic history, Mr. Belding dresses up as a professor and spews made up crap to save Kelly Kapowski's grandfather's hotel - anyway, he talks about King Kamehameha and how he mandated this hotel be saved back in the day.  Every time I saw this movie I was far too interested in how 17 year old Zach Morris thought that he was ready to be a parent and how we had no idea how old Rena Sofer was (also, this maybe one of the best things she's ever done - which says a lot about all the crap she's done over the years).

ANYWAY - when we were driving around Hawaii and I saw the word Kamehameha on all the road signs and finally I verbalized it the same way Principal Belding did and Maimees was impressed that I had gotten the pronunciation right on the first try.  I was impressed that something from Saved By the Bell had a modicum of historical accuracy.

It was time to learn something - and any time I can pair learning good conversation-at-parties knowledge with the kind of dark, subtle humor that makes me giggle on my morning commute, I feel like I've won the from-now-until-the-acknowledgements lottery.

It was a difficult and satisfying read, that left me all at once smarter and more at a loss than I was before I started.  I now know so much about Hawaii but am helpless about what to do about the incredible douchebaggery of the generations before mine.   The story of Hawaii only reiterates what we all already knew about the selfish manifest destiny mindset that America can't seem to kick. But the maple syrup sarcasm that Sarah Vowell pours all over everything makes it that much easier to swallow. 

I wish I could be even a fraction as smart and dedicated as Sarah Vowell is - her books are so intricate and wonderful.  I want to wear a scarf, brown boots and carry them around - hopefully drawing in funny one-liners and a deeper awareness of how this country really is by osmosis.

Or maybe I'll just get drunk and ask her how she does it.

like a fish

So I am trying to be a bike person (this despite some scary business earlier this summer).

It is a HARD transition, people. First of all, there is the abject fear. See above. Stories like that and the tens of others that I've heard. They have put the fear of something in me. While this should scare the crap of me (and it does) - it has also made me an incredibly careful bike rider.

I get all panicky when making left hand turns and occasionally just bail, getting off the bike and cross at the crosswalk. Lame.

Also, I wear a helmet. All the time. Like the lamest kid on the block. I would do it even if I didn't know people who broke their falls with their faces.

I get really stressed out when there is a bus anywhere within 2 blocks of me, and in those instances where I get squeezed between a big truck that is driving and a big truck that is parked I basically hyperventilate and pedal as slowly as I can while still staying upright.

All in all, I don't bike that much. I get to and from work, most days, on the bike which is only about 1.4 miles (roundtrip). And occasionally I'll go down to iO or maybe to the gym (the one on Pine Grove not the one on North).

But I hate to go anywhere too far (in case I get sleepy or it gets dark - haven't conquered that fear yet) or where I'm going to be away from the bike for too long.

I LOVE my bike (an amazing hand-me-down from Maimees) and the idea that it might get stolen or messed up stressed me out to the maximum. If I have to keep it outside for more than like half an hour (or even when I get to keep it inside but out of my sight line) I am terrified that someone else will figure out a way to get through the two locks and steal it from me.

Anyway - its a slow start, especially deciding to start at the end of the summer was kind of a bone-head decision. And also the past three days it has been so windy that I literally have worried that it will take nothing but mother nature to make faceplant into the asphalt.

Blue Crush

So. First of all, I am fine. You may have heard that there is a tsunami warning for Hawaii, which ironically, is exactly where I am.

At 5:15 AM (Hawaii time) my mom called to wish Boyfriend a happy birthday and to tell me that an earthquake in Chile and now there was a tsunami warning for Hawaii and that uh, she loved me and go back to sleep.

Luckily, we had been planning to get up at 5:30 or 6 anyway to start our Boyfriend Birthday Adventure...so going back to bed was not really option. Simply because that was enough to scare the ever loving crap out of me. So we're up and terrified.

R- "So you live up in the Mountains right?"
Maimees - "Uhhh, I live eight blocks from the beach."

Maimees's roommates are up and there is massive confusion for about an hour. What to do? Boyfriend and I had already pretty much decided that the only option was to get the eff out of the 8-block from the beach house and up into the mountains.

After what seemed like a lot of dilly-dallying we peaced out with our stuff (holla back for packing light) half of Maimee's pantry a few bottles of water, some doughnuts and two half-full bottles of wine (we like to be prepared).

And then we got the eff out of there. We are in the cushiest evacation situation ever. At a very nice private school with wireless internet, running water, clean toilets. And so we've just been waiting for nearly 4 hours now. Which is pretty weird. We know that something is about to happen but we don't know how big or how bad. And we don't know how long it is going to affect us but it is pretty exciting. And terrifying.

Happy Birthday Boyfriend. Its a once-in-a-lifetime one.