Little Bee

So Grandipants got a little more social media buzz than normal today and it is giving me all the anxiety.

I like to pretend that no one reads this because it makes me far less nervous about creating quality content. However when I am so rudely accosted with praise and encouragement and tweets from random authors (as in like, actual people who have written books, which I guess I now have to read #awkward) I start to get panicky.

Because eventually, some day I will be forced to deal with the fact that I should be trying harder in this virtual space. That I can probably do better if I were to try just that much harder. It all comes back to figuring out what I am trying to say. What is my message?

Not sure guys. But for those of you who are reading - thanks. I appreciate it when you say nice things. And even if you just occasionally think them, I am grateful. It is nice to know that people enjoy this - whatever it is. And just know, I am thinking and trying and considering how to make it better for you.

Be Happy 2014. Failure to Unlaunch (and some sunshine)

It feels like the month of April took approximately 100 years. Perhaps because it is already Mid-May, despite the fact that I feel like it is still May 2nd.

April was my first collosal failure in the Be Happy challenge. I told myself I would unplug, disconnect, turn off and focus on what is in front of me. I lasted about 10 days before I found myself putting facebook back on my phone - simply because it is a habit. A bad habit I cannot break. On the bus, waiting for people in a bar, waiting for a meeting to start Facebook makes me feel like I am connected.  I know I am not, but it fills the waiting minutes better than most things.

And once I reinstalled it, it was only a matter of days before my phone was back out even after people had arrived in these places where I had made the excuse of, "I was waiting." I check it without thinking. I check it like I check the time, like I crack my nuckles or stand my with my leg in passe (true story, standing like this is the best and most comfortable for my hip alignment).

And I think perhaps, I could have forced myself to stay away, if it didn't seem like everyone else is always on their phones. We as a civilization (with some notable exceptions) are just on.our.phones. And it is so much harder to stop with the crystal meth when your friends are basically Badger and Skinny Pete.

That being said, its not an entire failure. I have seen this clip a couple times, but every time it resonates with me. I am so terrified of that empty sad inside part of me (I think because I am pretty in touch with it and hyper aware of its existance). But it has to, eventually be okay.

 

I know May is half over, so it seems silly to set a goal for this month, but it has worked out really well that this has been/will continue to be pretty amazing. So I am putting into place one of my goals for the whole summer.

It has been the winter of falling sadness for the past three million years (guys, I am not 100% sure if I know how years work) and now it is finally gorgeous outside almost all the time.

For example, it is 8:23 pm as I write this and I am on my porch. It is literally the perfect temperature outside. There was a threat of rain, but all its done is take the edge off the humitity from earlier and make it basically perfect evening weather.

After spending so many months depressed as all get out about the state of weather affairs in Chicago, I refuse to take this amazing business for granted. So there will be late night writing (and reading and talking) sessions on the porch, and walks through the neighborhood, and lunches in the park. May is the month of creating good outdoor summer habits to hold onto until September forces them away. 

Poke nation

I have been told that I have a serious facebook problem. And while I like to think that I spend a healthy amount of time browsing the lives of close friends, random acquaintances and people I used to hate in high school - its probably healthy like only smoking Capri 100's is a healthy smoking habit.

But! I think there is something amazing about facebook (and all social media) that will keep me on it for far longer than necessary.

On Saturday night, Boyfriend and I were at the grocery store getting necessaries for the most important night of Boyfriend's life (also known as the BCS National Championship game) and while he searched for the perfect crackers, I stumbled across these gems.

So I put this picture on facebook and asked the universe if anyone had ever heard of or experienced such an amazing feat of modern technology.

I got answers from people from 5 different states: one family member (hi Mom!), one ex-roommate, one good friend from high school, two people I've done theater with, my current favorite neighbor, a guy I baby sit for, and my best friend's husband.

That, to me, is the coolest thing about social media (mostly facebook). All these people just came together and explained that my attraction to these comes from my mildly white trash roots and affinity for salmon dip. That never would have happened. Even if I had bought them and asked just my close-all-the-time friends, I probably would have gotten a positive response, but not one that showed that clearly these crackers live in grocery stores all over the world and everyone thinks they're awesome.

Thanks global connectivity for the excellent cracker hook-up.