Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Always a problem

I am the.worst bridesmaid.

Well, that may be an exaggeration.  After three* weddings I have discovered my role and its not so much bridesmaid as court jester.  Girls bring me on because everyone can use a good laugh when they're stressed out, and we all know that the best laughs always come from watching someone else act like an idiot.

Anyway, I feel like there is some market value in what I do.  I am seriously considering hiring myself out as the "funny" bridesmaid.  I am the one who can't put on her own make up, needs to be reminded that she can't touch her hair and always forgets to buy my shoes until the very last second.

Also, I am going to ruin some of those pictures you paid all that money for.  Don't believe me?  Here are some examples.  These are supposed to be some samples of the standard, "now let's get a nice, cute picture of the bride with each of her 'maids.  Now stand close shoulder-to-shoulder, look at the camera and smile."  You know that old tune right?

Not this girl.

Photo (via)

Okay, this one isn't too bad. It almost looks like I am supposed to do that.  Except all the other bridesmaids followed directions.  Beans looks like she is planning on being in the OG version of this picture and clearly, I am not okay with this.

Image (via)
Tierra is just as much of a dbag as I am about all this wedding business, so she jumped right on this bandwagon. But if you look at all the other ones (with the normal bridesmaids), she is smiling like a champ. I give the brides the opportunities to get out the crazy.  Speaking of crazy...
Image (via)

Seriously, Cindy-loo and I were not even trying to follow the rules.  The photographer clearly blamed these shenanigans all on me and insisted I be on the outer edge of every shot taken from then on as punishment. 

There are very few words to describe how much I love these girls and while I hope they aren't all too mad at me for being a photo ruiner, I hope that having someone to laugh at (and maybe with?) on what I have to assume is a pretty stressful day is worthwhile.

How can you not appreciate the girl who inspires a picture like this -

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Yeah, get all that crazy out now before the Honeymoon...

*Technically I've been in 5 weddings, but at Aunt Bluh-Bluh's I wasn't old enough to be the gd asshole I am today, and at Big Cuz's there are no pictures on the internet, because I am pretty sure the internet did not exist.

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She's pint-sized and amazing.