Today is the day I lost all my self respect.
Its been a long time coming, and it wasn't all my fault - there were a fair number of environmental causes that lead to my inevitable down fall but never the less - its gone. All of it (or maybe just most of it and the rest of this feeling is residual hunger and low self-esteem).
Today is the day I spent $4.02 on a 12-oz drink that I knew knew was going to make me sick.
That's right. I spent almost $5 on something that while, super fucking delicious, has the necessary ingredients to make me extra gassy and complainy about my tummy (we call this a yummy ache).
I love the Gingerbread Latte. I have to assume that this is the same kind of love that people feel for their first born child. I've never had a first born, so maybe I love the latte more, I don't know. But I love it. Always have, always will.
Back in my day - the tall skim ginger bread latte cost about $3.00. It was a steep price for a broke-ass college kid. But I made sacrifices and saved for my weekly treat. Sometimes when it came down to it, I would pick coffee over college books (and by sometimes I mean most of the time). And I came out fairly well adjusted.
In the past 7 years that I have been drinking these monsters the price has managed to go up $1.00. That, my friends, is totally bogus. The price of the McChicken sandwich has gone down in that time and managed to not lose any of its disgusting deliciousness.
In the past 7 years, however, I have lost the capacity to digest milk products successfully (at this point you want to interrupt my ramblings to tell me to drink gingerbread americano - and I am here to tell you that I will not, because it tastes yucky and makes me sad and there is no reason to do anything in the world that makes you as sad as watery espresso makes me) so when I do indulge, I make life pretty miserable for the enzymes and friends mariachi band in my stomach.
For some reason paying $3.25 or $3.60 to give myself a yummy ache and a caffeine buzz seemed totally rational, but when the girl perkily announced $4.02 this evening, my self-respect nose dived into the tile floor.
That's two subway rides (almost), 4 McChicken sandwiches, a PBR at most Clark St. establishments, a bowl of chili at my favorite dinner.
$4 buys a whole crap ton of stuff that $3 does not - and so I am left feeling bad about myself, but also elated and wonderful because I just had a delicious ginger bread latte and so I know nothing can go wrong.
So yes, I'm going to tell you that the solution is a Gingerbread Americano. BUT (don't tune me out yet) it's a Gingerbread Americano with whipped cream. Sure, it doesn't help your stomach out. At all, actually. But the whipped cream is free and makes the otherwise sad Gingerbread Americano cheaper, which means you're paying less money to give yourself horrendous gas and cramps.
This is a valid point except for (and now I'm really judging myself) - how many calories does the GbA with whip have? I'll have to investigate this because the whipped cream at the 'bucks is like 60 or 70 calories which pushes the GbL from okay for you (150 calories) to terrible (210). This is of course ridiculous, but I'll see if the GbA starts with less calories making the whipped cream addition acceptable.
I hate myself sometimes.
I can't believe you've never heard of Lactaid! From one lactose intolerant milk drink junkie to another, you have put yourself through needless pain and suffering. March yourself down to the corner Walgreens, pick up a box of Lactaid tabs [or its generic equivalent], dance/skip over to the local Starbucks, cheerfully and confidently order your Gingerbread Latte, chew two Lactaid/generic tabs [recommended for those with serious lactose intolerance] before indulging in your guilty pleasure drink heartily and sing Hallelujah. Consider this a belated Christmas gift from one who cares.
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