There were more cumulative minutes of me silently crying into the single-ply toilet paper of my workplace's second bathroom stall and desperately attempting to find the correct words to support friends and loved ones as they attempted to traverse some of life's most emotionally crippling roadblocks then there have ever been. Like actually ever.
There were some bright shining moments, treasured that much more because they were surrounded by so much actual struggle (as opposed to the needing-new-brown-boots struggle I normally feel). Even boyfriend's bought-a-house-got-a-job-turned-29 party was spoiled by the most insane derecho I have ever experienced. There were so many short ribs on the floor. It was so sad. But, perspective wise, I do not even think it made the top 5 of things that hurt the most this year. There will always be more short ribs.
2014 will be the first year that I feel like the universe shook me and was like, "it is getting real. This is what it is really like to be an adult: actual challenges, true heartbreak, and experiencing joy that comes from somewhere deeper inside you than you really knew existed."
Maybe it is turning 30? Maybe it was the disappointment and sadness of the whole world hanging an even heavier weight on my shoulders? Maybe it was those few weeks I gave up bread and sugar? I do not even know.
What I do know is that through text message, U.S. Postal Service, and genius sting operations, I have gotten the news of the potential of truly wonderful things on the horizon for 2015 for me, for my family, for my friends-who-are-family. I am on-the-edge-of-my-seat excited for great adventure, big hugs, happy cries, new sights, big challenges, and, as always, snacks.
This Christmas season will involved the very-first-time in our six-and-a-half years Boyfriend and I wake up in the same room/city/time-zone on Christmas morning, and the very last Christmas morning any of us will walk down the stairs of 710 East Main. There will be lunches and breakfasts and shots (ugh, way too many shots, I already know). I am itchy with anticipation to get on an airplane, second star to the right - straight on 'til Maryland.
I stand present in all of the hard, sad moments of 2014, but look towards the bright light of #fabulous2015