I started this blog post awhile ago, and the abandoned it for adventure and being a whiny baby. So it is slightly less topical, but still very valid and something that is constantly on mah mind.
A few weeks ago, I read this little jam and it hit me, real deep. Because I remember the days and weeks when I didn't believe in Barack Obama. The months of primaries when I was just not feeling the political game he was spittin.
And then, something happened.
I heard him speak. A lot. And I heard the people who love and support him the most speak. And there were the speeches you could hear right through, but there were ones that made me feel like, "listen, I know this guy and believe me - he plays for keeps."
And so I jumped on board. All the way. No looking back. Because when your country is a proverbial dung heap and you are teetering on the edge of grown-up-hood, relying on the people in charge to do you right, you have to have faith in your decisions.
But over the past few year or two, dread has crept into my psyche. Its the worst of the bad break-up stories. He's not the guy who has the moral cajones to admit he's not ready for a real relationship, he's the guy who keeps forgetting to call, and doesn't come out when he says he will, and forgets your birthday BUT insists that he loves you, and your his girl and he's doing the best he can and sometimes he writes poetry and slips it under your dorm room door.
And so (because you are a 19-year old girl in this particular metaphor) you keep trying to believe in him and convince yourself that he just needs time to figure it all out.
But how much is too much time? Or the right amount?
And listen, I am extra-double aware, that he was given a rough hand. And no one is willing to cut him a break. And it makes crazy angry. But I just want him to fight for my honor you know.
I want a stranger to hit on me in a bar and for him to punch that guy in the nose and tell him that I deserve a country with good schools, and affordable health care, and a chance to own a house, and funding for the things that matter to me and if he (the stranger) doesn't like that, then he can get lost.
Is he going to do that? Is he? I am much more grown-up than I was two years ago and I am legitimately fearful for the things that are happening in this country. And I just want some one to tell me its okay and then back it up with some action.