Sunday, December 18, 2005

there is such a thing as too much narcissism

So. Last Christmas Cougar, under direct orders, got me a digital camera so I could capture the beauty of South Africa. Which I did.
Then I get back from South Africa and I still have this digital camera. Now sometimes there are pretty things that need to be photographed and I do my best.
And I try to capture moments of beauty and adorableness like the picture at the top with my cutest Aviva-doodle. And when four friends get totally glammed up for a wedding:
This is my goal with the little love of my life the digital camera, to capture things of beauty. That being said, after looking at the pictures taken last night at my most sexellent friend Paige's birthday fiesta, and the vast majority of the pictures I have on my computer from this camera; About 93% of my pictures are of my friends and me being (for the most part) increadibly drunk and (for a fair amount of the time) some-what unattractive (though we all in real life are the sexiest people you've ever seen. Trust me). I've pretty much figured out how the drunk digital camera narcissism thing works. There is the ever popular self portrait that nine times out of ten completely does not work. This is a hypothesis that my friend Teeny and I are hotly contesting, sadly no matter how many experiments we try, the statement holds completely true. There is a problem with angles, someone almost always has a double chin and most of the time you end up cutting out half of a persons' face. Most times once it gets to the point in the night where you think you're ready to be Annie Leibowitz doing a self-portrait you are in no condition to operating heavy machinery.

Then we have the "faces" pictures. At some point in the night you decide smiling is for wussies and deicide that it's time to be daring and sexy with your photographs. Most of the time you end up looking you just have to go to the bathroom or you ate bad suschi or you smell a diper. Very rarely is it sexy or daring.

Also. I don't know if it's just me (oh, wait,'s totally everyone else too) but when you start drinking maybe you start to believe that the camera has magical powers and if you look into it alcoholic beverages will start squirting out of it like a soda fountain. So you decide to keep your mouth open, just incase.

Then there are the pictures where there is one person who is so obviously much more inebriated than the rest that the picture becomes a "which one of these things doesn't belong?" game for four year-olds.

If you picked the psychotic in one in the middle then you're right! Good job little Suzy!

At some point during the night people forget what the camera does, and how the little flash means that that face has been recorded for, potentially, all eternity, and so they just stop caring. This is also the time when people start to believe that they are fucking Annie Leibowitz and it's time for their goddamned Pulitzer Prize (did you ever notice that the cursing goes up when the drinks go down?) and so they start taking pictures of pretty much anything.

Like when Tierra and this kid decided to trade shirts.

Sometimes though you get a photographic gem of complete drunkness that makes the other 600 pictures where you look like an ugly, bloated walrus who is sometimes missing the right side of her face completely worth it.

To view other examples of my friends and I being increadibly beautiful and drunk check out either of my photo albums

1 comment:

that mckim girl said...

I like that I made one of the year in photo review pics. I rock.

She's pint-sized and amazing.