Monday Meals. Gimme all your breads.

We made it through Lent. I feel like ALL I have talked about for the past 40 days is what I have been eating. It has been tedious and I am very excited to not have it be examined quite so closely going forward.

I celebrated Easter with a bundle of good people and some amazing bites from the bread family including:

-ginger ale waffles with walnuts and dried cranberries
-lemon curd bread (this did not go so well, but even with the wrong yeast it was so crazy delicious)
-grapefruit poppy seed bread (get in this. yum.)

I am so happy to be eating bread again, but my stomach is a hot mess. HOT MESS. Ergh.

I feel like at the end of the day, bread (and all its friends) are important and wonderful, but my body has had an amazing reaction to not eating them by shedding about 20 pounds in 40 days. So while I refuse to stop eating them for forever, it is intoxicating to know this about the power of food.

And while Boyfriend will tell you, vehemently, that this is not a lifestyle he has any interest in continuing for forever, it is worth a shot to give up the unnecessary carbs - the ones that aren't delicious super special cupcakes or homemade bread or pasta with Nonna sauce. Its worth it to feel so good about my body, I think.  We'll see.

But for now - no more talking about food. He has risen (indeed), lets talk about other things.

Monday Meals: cravings without the carbs

At this point in the Lent game, I was under the impression that the cravings would have subsided and I would be ready to live a sugar and grain free existence for the rest of my days.

Except not at all. I miss carbs every day. How do people do this for forever? Gah.

But, we are so close (right? RIGHT?) so its just like another three weeks and then waffles All. Day.

Anyway - right now, I am trying to dodge free donuts and savor all the fruit (and wine) that I am allowing myself to eat as "treats."

And I am trying to figure out ways to eat the things I love leaving out the bready-goodness.

Here are three thoughts on some standard craving foods:

Tacos.

Chipotle bowl-style that business. No rice, no shell, and just all the good stuff. You can put it all on a bed of lettuce and call it a "taco salad" if you are feeling really fancy or just give yourself some extra guac and cheese and go to town.

Sandwiches.

I have been relying on this one a fair amount recently. I basically am making turkey sandwiches with cheese instead of bread. The best kept secret of not-sandwiches-sandwiches is to take a piece of the meat and the cheese and roll them up with a slice of avocado in the center. WHAT? You're welcome.  Also, add pickles to things. Just like, eat pickles all the time.

Pizza.

This is a little bit harder, but I was pleasently surprised when I found this recipe for eggplant pizza. I made it last night and it was stupid easy and delighfully delicious. Its important that you let the eggplant sweat for half an hour or so before cooking them. Also, bonus opportunity to play "How does the boiler work?"

It'll be fine! We are going to get through this. We can take away our bread but we can never take away our dignity or our cheese.

Monday Meals: Spags Squash

Now that we are very well acquainted with quinoa, lets explore a new substitute for things you love and eat all the time.

Spaghetti Squash! Yaaaay!

Spags squash is my favorite carb-void filler. It is easy enough to roast and then you can be fancy and make some thing delicious to go with, or you can be lazy and pour a jar of store bought sauce and it is just as delicious, and you can eat dinner before 10 p.m. Wheeee!

I prefer to roast it but it requires some he-lady knife skills.

How to Roast the Spags squash:
First preheat the oven to 375.

Then slice that monster in half, long-wise. It will be intense. So be cool.

Fun fact, my newest addition to my hand-scar collection came from me pushing too hard on the back of a knife. This is not a joke.

Once its cut, scoop the seeds out ala a Halloween pumpkin.

Once the oven is preheated put the halves in a baking dish (not a cookie sheet, something with a rim) - make sure you put them skin/rind side up (innards side down).

Then cook it for 35ish minutes (when it starts getting brown on top, you can call it).

How to nuke the Spags Squash:
If you are feeling SO.Lazy - you can microwave it and/or you can keep it whole when cooking.

If you keep it whole, poke a fork in it at least 10 times all over the place so it doesn't explode.

If you microwave it (which you can do whole or halves or quarters, whatever) - put a little bit of water (1/4 cup or less) in a cooking dish (I just use a bowl that is big enough to fit the piece I am cooking) and then cook it for about 5 minutes per half, or 10 minutes for the whole thing. It will be squishy when it is done.

Done Cooking?:
Use your oven mitts to flip one half over and take a fork to it to make sure the noodle-y bits come out easy. That's how you know it is donezo.

Then let it cool for a while otherwise you have a one-way ticket to ouchy-burn town. And then use a fork to scrape it and create your noodles.

Then you'll have noodles. Boom. Make this yum yum alfredo business. Or this taco-y version. Or just throw some jar sauce on it - maybe some protein if you are feeling crah-zey.

We're halfway through Lent! My breath apparently smells terrible from the lack of carbs in my diet (we self-diagnosed a little bit of ketosis), I am going to try to drink about a zillion times more water and chew some sugarless gum, but this party might end/change slightly for me if this butt-breath thing does not work itself out.

Monday Meals: Fill that empty chips hole

March is just draaaaaaagging. How has it only been Lent for two weeks? It has gotten maybe 2% easier since last week, but just barely.

Meals are getting easier but where things fall down is snacks.

I know baby brother loves him some snacks.

I have been trying to switch out fruit for my 3:00 p.m. Hershey's minature dark chocolate bar but when salty cravings strike, I have been scrambling to find something to fill the void that popcorn/potato chips/pretzels normlly do.

The secret is chick peas, my friend.

Here's how you make a quick and easy carb-free salty snack.

-Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
-Open and drain a can of chick peas (aka garbanzos, jic you are confused), rinse them if you feel so inclined.
-Put them in a bowl with some olive oil.
-Add salt and your favorite spices. This can be as simple as some Old Bay, or another all-spice type jam. Or you can get real fancy with multiple spices: cumin, chili powder, go crazy. Whatever sounds good. Make sure you have some salt.
-Mix it all up real good. Add more spice or olive oil if you want (but don't feel pressured, just do what feels right).
-Spread all the little chick peas on a cookie sheet.
-Cook them for 30 minutes or so.

Let them cool for a hot minute and then gobble them up. Nom nom nom. So salty and delicious.

If you need some recipes for inspiration, here are one, two to get you started.

An introduction to Quinoa

I gave up carbs/sweets/breads/starches/all that is good and wonderful in this world for Lent.

There was a part of me that was thinking I was making a bid deal out of nothing.

Five days in and I am going through what I can only imagine is a heroin-esque like withdrawal. I think about bread all the time. I want cookies, I want chocolate, I would give up my entire family for a half dozen cupcakes and a loaf of french bread.

But I've stayed strong, because I am quite the stubborn little mule and impressively enough, my baby brother is still in it to win it too.

Since he is just getting started in the carb-alternative game, this post is for him.

Why quinoa is your new best friend.

Quinoa is rice's better for you, more yummy cousin. It takes the same amount of time to cook and can be eaten with anything. Anything. All the benefits. None of the carbs. Plus bonus protein, iron and fiber (mmm, you love fiber).

Tonight we ate it with some cuke, red bell pepper and feta cheese. Easy Cheesey. Here is a list of some other things you could mix with it and make a crazy delicious side (or main course):

-sweet potato, kale, and chicken
-avocado, black beans, tomatoes
-bell peppers and lemon juice
-carrots, edamame, and cranberries
-spinach, pomegranate seeds, and walnuts (with bonus steak if you're feeling crazy)
-strawberries, goat cheese, and arugula
-broccoli and cheese

Mix and match any of these things or literally anything you want. When making a bowl of food, add this. If oatmeal is your jam in the morning, switch out the oatmeal for this, add in some brown sugar, a few nuts and berries and a banana if you are playing like a champion - and BOOM, breakfast. Bye.

Also, I checked and Price Chopper totally carries quinoa. So no complaints about it being too fancy for your neck of the woods.

Some reminders:
-always, always rinse it in cold water before cooking
-let it cool for a minute and then put it in a bowl before making it all fluffy with a fork. It will stick together if you leave it in the pot/microwavable bowl.
-a cup of dry quinoa makes a shit ton of cooked quinoa so plan on throwing it in everything for a couple days. You won't regret it and it will make you miss rice that mich less.

One week down, six to go.

No Panem for me, thanks.

The month of Be Happy Go Upside-down conveniently ended up coinciding with Lent this year. So it's going to be a really good month for shedding extra winter blubber and a really bad month for me being a fun person to be around.

This year for Lent I decided to give up bread and sweets. At first it was just "refined sugar," but people started questioning my methods for determining what contains "refined sugar," and once someone suggested cutting wine out of my diet, it was clear I needed to be more specific. 

This might be the most insane challenging thing I have ever done. Bread is my comfort food. Sweets are my reward. And while I know this will never stick past the 40 days (I am not a cave lady) - it is a chance to really think about what I am putting in my body for the next 5 and a half weeks. 

I so often just eat and eat without considering if I needed that extra crab puff. And let's be real - yes, I always do need that extra crab poof, but I don't always need four cake pops, and a cupcake with the crab puff.

Of course, the real challenge is getting past the, "but I want it," hurdle. This morning there is a giant array of bagels in my work kitchen. All the bagels telling me that they are going to help me get through this morning. And they would and that might be the heart of the problem.

There are a lot of delicious things I will be enjoying this month: bacon, avocado, fruit (can't kick this 2-a-day clementine habit #sorrynotsorry), and wine and those, I hope, will be enough to get me through the rough spots.

Since my baby brother, Buttmunch has also decided to attempt this journey, I am going to be posting lots of recipes and cheat codes for eating less carbs.

Also, at some point we will discuss why I let this religious event that I don't actually believe in be in control of my decisions every spring. 

If you need me, I'll be eating lettuce and hummus with my motivational team.

Chubchubs gets you full on game day

This is the first year in recent history that Boyfriend and I will not be on our couch surrounded by people we are lucky enough to call our friends, getting Sunday tipsy and eating as much as possible on Super Bowl Sunday.

Instead we will be in sunny L.A. and #sorrywearenotsorry. I need to go out of this frozen barren tundra of sadness so hard. It's time. In seven years here, the only thing I have learned is that once February hits it is time to get out. BYE.

Anyway, since we won't be around to make them, here are our two favorite game day treats (one savory, one sweet):

My fave: Buffalo Cauliflower Dip (with optional upgrade to pastry wreath).

This brought me around on the cauliflower fad. Mother Thyme is the one who hooked me up with the recipe. I'm not going to bogart her page hits - so get there, and get the recipe. My notes are:

• You think you want to put the cauliflower in the food processor with your grating blade, and you can - but it is going to end up with more of a grated cheese like consistency, which is not my preference. I hand grate most of the half-head it is much smaller pieces, leaving some bigger chunks (like the size of a lemonhead or smaller) of cauliflower when my arm gets tired. It depends on how lazy you're feeling. 
• I do not know why we live in a country where greek yogurt is only available in 5.3 oz. containers or Costco-sized mega gallons. This recipe calls for 6 oz. because free market economy. The 5.3 oz version is totally fine, but if you have people who are picky about their spicy, you can either stop being friends with them (my vote), or adjust the amount of Frank's you use.
• Use Frank's. My mom tried to convince me that some sort of weird off-branded business in Maryland would be fine. But it isn't. Don't be weird or judgy. Use Franks.
• This travels really well, and lasts for days. I make it, throw it in a pyrex (still warm) with a lid and take it to where I am going. And I've been known to eat it a week later. I'm not proud.

You feelin' FANCY? Then upgrade to a Buffalo Cauliflower Crescent Ring (adapted from this Tablespoon recipe).

Just replace her chicken dip with the cauliflower dip. And bake until golden and delicious. Some notes:

• Some of the liquid will cook off (obvi) making this significantly spicier than just the dip. Adjust as needed. 
• You only need about half to three-quarters of the above recipe to fill the ring. 
• Check to make sure there are no gaps in the pastry or you will have gooey business flowing out of the ring's nether regions and the aesthetic will be ruined.
• This travels less well. This is the shelter-in-place version of this dip.

For something sweet: Boyfriend swears by these Oreo Footballs. People request them, even at parties that are in no way football related.  He uses almond-chocolate bark instead of the Baker's semi-sweet and you can't even tell.

These are food processor friendly and do not really take any time at all. When dipping into the chocolate, he prefers to dip one half of the football, let it cool, and then dip the other half. The fork dipping method is unreliable at best.

Happy Football! Now we just need a recommendation of a L.A. restaurant/bar to watch the game.

In the Kitchen: Lavender Cookies

I'm not much of a baker. Sweet stuff is better left to my better half, mostly because its way more science than cooking and I'm a little too free-form to be constrained by measurements and rules (also, I tend to over-indulge in the licking-the-cake-spoon department). But occasionally I'll pull out the flour and sugar and do the damn thing.

Once upon a time, a little while ago, my amazing Godmother made amazing lavender cookies. I don't know if there was a specific occasion to go along with them, but they were there and I ate them and they were so.good.

I've thought about them on occasion since that day. And since I now live in one of the only neighborhoods where you can buy lavender without too much struggle (oh, Middle Eastern Bakery, you are The. Best.) I knew it was only a matter of time before I was having enough of a bad day to know I needed to make some soothing, smellgood cookies. 

Lavender Olive Oil Cookies (adapted from a Lemon Thyme Olive Oil Cookies recipe)
Recipe courtesy George Duran (by way of AEM).

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ginger  
1 tablespoon lavender
1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons milk (I ended up using about 6 T. by the end)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon of salt 

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper or use silicone baking sheets.

Put the flour, sugar, baking soda, ginger, lavender, and salt into a bowl and whisk together to combine. In a small bowl, whisk together the olive oil, milk, vanilla. Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients, stirring with a wooden spoon until you form a nice smooth dough (my dough was super crumbly, so I kept adding additional tablespoons of milk, and ended up using about 3 additional table spoons before I got a consistency I was okay with; even after the additional milk they still required a little bit of TLC to be made into ball-shapes, but once cooked, they tasted perfect).

Roll heaping teaspoonfuls of the dough into balls. Place them about 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. Bake the cookies about 12 to 15 minutes, or until they are browned around the edges. Let the cookies cool for a few minutes and then transfer them to wire racks to cool completely.

They were just as awesome as I remembered them. After taking an informal poll of all the people who got to have a few, the boys all said they tasted like soap. The girls, however, said they tasted like a delightful secret garden experience in yo' mouth. I am inclined to agree with the girls. Lavender is such a strong scent, that it can be over- powering, but the olive-oil seemed to neutralize it. Make them, and let me know what you think. 

After I shared my batch, someone told me that apparently Princess Kate over there in jolly ole England is apparently big into lavender biscuits (which is what they call cookies over there, I guess. Probably because Pillsbury hasn't really gotten into the UK market). They were instrumental in helping to sooth her yucky preggo tummy in the first trimester. While my friend was not preggo, she was having some of the bubble guts and apparently these made her feel surprisingly better. So not only are they crazydelicious, they're medicinal too! 

Also, in other news, I've decided I hate the lighting in my kitchen. Everything looks so harsh and unappetizing. As I continue to spend more time than expected barefoot and in the kitchen, I'm also working on how to make the pictures of food I take look not gross. Any insight into how I can do this (without becoming a photoshop whiz) would be greatly appreciated.